Can you make the old adage work for you?
You know how the adage goes, you’re just not sure if it’s the wisest thing someone has ever said about love, or complete nonsense.
“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” — Alfred Lord Tennyson
You might not know much about life and love, but you sure could do without the heartbreak. You’re positive you’d rather not have loved at all, just so you didn’t have to deal with all the pain.
That’s fair. It does hurt like hell. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Don’t block it out. It reminds you that you’re human, and that your heart is in the right place.
Pain might not be optional, but you can choose the lessons you learn from that heartbreak. You can choose what you make of it.
You can choose to be happy you loved, more than you’re sorry you lost.
Reward your heart for its courage
It takes courage to love, and a lot more courage to express that love.
It’s much easier to be guarded, to lock your feelings deep inside, and keep your heart safe. It’s much easier to pretend you don’t care, to self-sabotage, to stay away.
Pain over lost love doesn’t feel like reward for your heart. It feels like punishment at first, like collateral damage from a naughty prank gone wrong.
Take upon yourself to reward your heart. Embrace yourself, not in a demonstration of self-pity, but in an act of self-love. Be kind to yourself. Instead of reprehending your heart for falling in love and now being in pain, be happy that it took a chance on someone.
Let your heart know you’re happy its not cold, closed off to the world, and incapable of love.
Recognize your progress in the relationship
Love is more significant when it fosters personal development.
If your recent relationship helped you grow, if it helped you progress towards forming a healthier, more fulfilling intimate relationship than you had ever had before, then that’s major progress.
Recognize how much you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable, to express your wants and needs, and to love fearlessly — that stuff is not for the faint of heart.
Take a look at all the lessons you learned, but don’t be hard on yourself.
Learning about life and love is not always straightforward, and it’s not your fault you didn’t know then what you know now.
Hold on to your capacity to love
Heartbreak is tough, but it doesn’t have to make you hard and bitter, unless you let it.
Everyone thinks they can love, but the reality is that few people actually can. If you can, be proud of it. Hold on to it.
It’s ok to take the lessons you’ve learned and become stronger. It’s not ok to become hardened.
It’s ok to take the pain you’re feeling and let it make you more cautions. It’s not ok to become permanently unapproachable.
It’s ok to take a break from love. It’s not ok to turn your back on it forever.
Love might hurt from time to time, but if you try, you’ll see how much better it is to have experimented it. At least once.
All you have to do is make a choice.
By Tesia Blake
Kathryn McNeer, LPC specializes in Couples Counseling Dallas with her sound, practical and sincere advice. Kathryn’s areas of focus include individual counseling, relationship and couples counseling Dallas. Kathryn has helped countless individuals find their way through life’s inevitable transitions; especially that tricky patch of life known as “the mid life crisis.” Kathryn’s solution-focused, no- nonsense counseling works wonders for men and women in the midst of feeling, “stuck,” or “unhappy.” Kathryn believes her fresh perspective allows her clients find the better days that are ahead. When working with couples, it is Kathryn’s direct yet non-judgmental approach that helps determine which patterns are holding them back and then helps them establish new, more productive patterns. Kathryn draws from Gottman and Cognitive behavioral therapy. When appropriate Kathryn works with couples on trust, intimacy, forgiveness, and communication.